In an increasingly digitalized world, with strong societal and peer pressure to join the digital revolution as soon as possible, parents often feel forced into giving their kids a smartphone. So, being a parent and making the right decisions about whether to give our kids smartphones is challenging. In this post, we will explore several of the most common reasons parents may relent.
10 Main reasons:
1. Parental peer pressure
“When will you get your kids get a phone?”
The question is always “when” will you get your kids a phone, and never “Are you getting a phone for your kids”. Parents often feel pressured by other parents to conform to popular parenting choices when making decisions. Just like our children, we crave being like everyone else and fitting in with the crowd. So, it can be difficult to resist the desire to fit in and conform to expectations.
What we must remember is that every family and child is different. As a result, we must make parenting decisions based on our own values, beliefs, and children’s needs.
2. Making our kids happy
“When your kid is begging for a phone, all you want to do is make them happy”
As parents, we love our children. We have a huge amount of empathy for them, and ultimately just want to see them happy. Seeing our kids upset, feeling left-out, or not fitting in with their peers can often cloud our judgement. All we want to do is cave in and give our kids a phone, especially, when faced with a bit of begging to have a phone. It is common that our emotions take the reins and override other considerations.
Giving our kids a smartphone may seem like a good short-term solution to appeasing your child. But in the long run, it can be damaging to their happiness and well-being. In fact, numerous studies have demonstrated a negative correlation between smartphone usage and young people’s mental health.
We must recognize when empathy is causing us to make poor decisions. Overall, caring for your child’s happiness and well-being can look like not giving them a smartphone.
3. We don’t look at other options
“Sometimes you have to think outside the box and research other options”
Common practices become so central to our way of life that we stop thinking about the reasons behind them. For example, instead of considering other solutions to the problem of communicating and localizing our child on the go, we only think about setting up a smartphone with parental controls. Stop a minute. Because we rarely consider whether we should even give our kid a smartphone in the first place. Just because giving kids a smartphone is how things are done these days, does not mean that you have to do so.
Looking into other solutions such as a smartwatch, tracking device or basic phone, as a few examples, can better suit your child’s needs.
4. Arguing with our kids is too tiring
“Arguing with kids is simply exhausting, giving in is easier”
As much as we love our kids, it has to be said that, at times, they can be a bit tiring. Defending our decisions, trying to do the right thing and providing counterarguments to their ever-insistent demands are draining activities. When we are tired, we just want a quick solution, which often results in bad decisions. Don’t rush into anything. Instead, take a breather, step back and properly weigh up your options.
5. We want to fit in- giving kids smartphones, it’s the ‘norm’
“Everyone else is giving their kids phones. It’s the norm.”
In our digital age, giving kids a smartphone is a socially accepted behavior. Arguably, it is almost expected behavior once they reach a certain age or level of independence. Following this herd-like mentality is a natural tendency. Humans have evolved to learn to copy others as a survival skill: if you didn’t follow the larger group, you would have to search for food alone.
But times have changed. We no longer live in the dark ages! If the crowd is heading the wrong way, we don’t have to go along with it. We can say ‘no’ to cultural trends that could be damaging to our kids. As you might say to your kids, would you jump off a bridge if your friends told you to? The same principle goes for buying smartphones for kids. We don’t have to give in to societal pressures by giving our kid a smartphone.
6. Misleading information and anchoring bias
“Kids are digitally mature at thirteen because that is the age, they can sign up for social media accounts”
Anchoring bias is when what we hear first influences our decisions. In other words, that consists of using the initial piece of information that we receive on a given subject to make judgments. This often happens during decision-making, when we make decisions based on the first impression that we have of something. Even if we get a factually incorrect first impression. Our brain doesn’t want to use energy to face up to and change our bias. So, we default to the first message we received on a given subject.
There is a widespread myth about 13 which demonstrates anchoring bias which goes as follows. Many parents think that 13 is the ideal age for a smartphone. We see so many social media websites with 13 as the minimum age. We are therefore led to believe that 13-year-olds are ready to enter the digital world.
This example highlights the dangers of anchoring bias, and how we must think twice about the information that we receive, and how it influences our parenting style.
7. Fear to take on the battle
“This battle is too big, I can’t fight it”
As parents, we often face tough decisions trying to work out what is best for our kids and must choose our battles wisely. But not all parental decisions are weighted equally. Some things can be negotiated, and we can give our kids more independence on hairstyles, make-up usage, room decoration or curfews. Whilst others are non-negotiable, such as allowing our kids to engage in illegal and dangerous activities. Inappropriate activities on phones and the dangers of being online can cause long-term injuries. We must prioritize. Work out what is worth continuing to fight for.
8. Denial of possible dangers
“My kids will be fine, they would never …”
We refuse to believe that anything bad will ever happen to our kids. It is a horrible idea, so we choose to ignore the reality. Optimism is important, it keeps us going through difficult situations. But when bringing up children, living in denial is dangerous. On the other end of the spectrum, acting out of fear is equally as dangerous. It is crucial to strike a balance between these two extremes: sheltering our children from the world or ignoring any potential hazards.
In particular, online dangers are particularly menacing for children because of their immaturity. It is essential that we make sure that we are aware of the different dangers, and properly anticipate how we can best protect our kids.
9. Assuming our kids have our values
“My kids know better, because they are my kids”
Many of us assume that our kids have inherited our values and inherently know right from wrong simply because they are our kids. This simply isn’t the case.
Reality check: our children are still developing their judgement and decision-making skills. Kids will be kids. It is only natural for them to do silly things, make mistakes, and then (hopefully) learn from them. These mistakes are a key part of growing up. Despite every warning you can give them, kids will make mistakes. They are often not experienced enough to know better or to be able to think about the consequences of a given decision. Their brains, in particular, their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for making decisions, is not fully developed.
So, we must try our best to protect them and make an active effort to teach and reinforce our values to our children.
10. Parental empathy for our kids
“I feel bad if my child is unpopular at school ”
It is natural for parents to want their children to fit in and be popular both inside and outside of the classroom. Maybe this is because we remember how it feels to be left out and want to protect our children from this feeling. However, putting pressure on our kids to fit in and be popular can be damaging to their mental health. We must resist reliving our childhood through our children. Instead, focusing on building up healthy self-esteem and resilience in our children can enable them to go through childhood with greater confidence.
Conclusion
Overall, some of the most common reasons parents give in and give their kids smartphones can be summarized as resulting from parental and wider societal pressure, empathizing with and wanting to make our kids happy, and lack of awareness as to other possible solutions.
